How fascinating is the polarities of energies? It’s something that I’ve been delving deeper into and the more I read/learn/discover, the more that my whole life has started making more sense to me! The programming that we receive from a young age is monumental to forming the foundations of which we live off now. I’ve most recently discovered that throughout my adult life, especially with dating, I’ve been in my masculine and wounded feminine. Directing and controlling the outcome, needing to have the ’known’ to feel at ease, difficulty trusting men and relying on them for help and not feeling safe with them. Deep down, all the while CRAVING connection, love, trust and intimacy and soothing that deep wound of lack of self-worth by seeking their validation and having zero boundaries. These had been my patterns, formed from childhood, perhaps stemming from having an intermittent father growing up (I had my step-dad present for my childhood though). I had equated this to meaning- lack of consistency of physical presence in a parent figure = feelings of insecurity and low trust that they’ll be there for me. As we know, our connections with our parents are the first types of relationships we’re taught. Fast forward to 25 years into the future looked like Me being one of those ‘I’m a strong independent woman who don’t need no man’ kinda girl. Wowwww, was I kidding myself! I wonder how many decent men I pushed away as a result of this thought pattern?

This was my subconscious way of protecting myself from future hurt and pain from a partner leaving me. It was easier to stay closed off, shutting off to help, support and love from men so to not open myself up to potential loss and pain again. As feminine core beings, when we do this, we’re denying ourselves the right to our natural feminine energy. That energy is flowing, loving, trusting, opening & receiving. We’re shutting that down, supressing it, and that’s really shitty! When we identify our core wounding, lean into that fear, and open ourselves up to receive love, support, care, and TRUST again, we’re actually opening up to all of humanity. The world needs more feminine energy, more empowered feminine Beings who aren’t afraid to stare down the barrel of that past pain, forgive and open themselves back up again. It takes a lot of vulvas (balls) to do this but what’s the alternative? Stay closed and fearful for the rest of your life?

Ladies, this is where your intuition shines through, can you TRUST YOURSELF to know when the right guy is there for you? Can you see those signs of a man who’s in his healthy masculine and who can support and care for you? And can you allow your man to lead and LET GO of control over him? Can you trust that he’s got you so you can surrender into your feminine and feel held, supported and safe? It’s a dance and one that I’m re- learning, step by step, slowly letting my walls of fear down to men, learning to trust again. What an adventure!